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22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT

1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.

2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. Nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUV's.

6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.

12. You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and a sex offender belonged in the White House.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest to the United States.

21. You have to believe that this message is a part of a vast, right wing conspiracy.

22. You have to believe that it's okay to give Federal workers off on Christmas Day but it's not okay to say "Merry Christmas."

Ready to vote, now?

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DEMOCRAT POLITICS

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS AND NOTES

Good news, bad news story for Beavers football… Oregon State star junior OG Jeremy Perry, arguably the top player in the country at the position, will be out 6-8 weeks after suffering an injury in the Beavers’ opening season win over Utah. The school did not officially announce the specifics of the injury, however, it is believed to be a broken leg. The better news for Oregon State is that all signs point to WR Sammie Stroughter returning to action when the Beavers play Cincinnati on Thursday night. Stroughter, who took a leave of absence from the team for personal reasons early in fall camp, was at one point questionable for the entire season, however, he unexpectedly returned to practice just before the start of the season and was practicing with the regular offense on Sunday. Stroughter was a third-team All-America selection last year when he caught 79 passes for 1,293 yards; he scored three TDs on punt returns.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS AND NOTES

Tennessee QB Erik Ainge, a top prospect for the 2007 draft, has a broken little finger on his throwing hand, but is still expected to play Saturday when the Volunteers open the season at California in the big game of college football’s first weekend.....While Oregon State WR Sammie Stroughter, one of the most productive senior receivers in the country, has been practicing with the team this weekend, head coach Mike Riley is saying publicly that he remains doubtful whether Stroughter will actually play this season. Riley ruled out Stroughter from the Beavers’ season-opener tonight against Utah. Stroughter, who caught 74 passes for almost 1,300 yards in 2006, returned to practice last weekend from an 18-day hiatus to deal with the grief of losing several people close to him in the past year. Stroughter has a redshirt year and could sit out the season and return in 2008. Meanwhile, Arkansas WR Marcus Monk, another top prospect for the 2007 draft, has undergone a second arthroscopic surgery on his right knee. Monk was injured in practice on early in August had the first surgery four days later. Monk will almost assuredly miss the Hogs season opener on Saturday and could also be questionable for Arkansas’ game with Alabama at Alabama on Septeber 15th.....Florida LT Phil Trautwein will miss at least Saturday's season opener against Western Kentucky because of a stress fracture in his right foot that could require season-ending surgery. Tennessee quarterback Erik Ainge has a broken pinkie on his throwing hand, but is expected to play Saturday at No. 12 California.... It appears that Mississippi DT Jerrel Powe could miss a third straight year of football as the NCAA has declared that Powe will not be academically eligible this season. Powe was a highly-regarded recruit back in 2005, but was academically ineligible for his first two years of college. Powe has been granted admission to Ole Miss and had been given a window to practice with the team until the NCAA came to its final ruling; in fact, Powe had been working with the Rebels’ 1st unit defense in practice. Mississippi reportedly is considering appealing the ruling while the family is reportedly considering legal action if Powe is indeed not allowed to play this fall.

NFL NEWS AND NOTES

The Miami Herald reports that speculation on WR Chris Chambers' availability in trade is incorrect. The team does not want to trade him. "Who would we play?" queried a team source when asked about the validity of such a potential deal....The Detroit News reports that unless Lions RB Kevin Jones wows his doctors and training staff with a workout on Thursday, he's going to end up on the Physically Unable to Perform list for the start of the season. That designation forces him out of the first six games of the season and requires activation between Weeks 7 and 10 before being ruled out for the full year. "Right now I don't know where I'm at," Jones said. "My body is telling me to go and get in there and play. But it really isn't my decision. It is up to the doctors and the guys upstairs. The doctors say it is getting better but that it is better to take more time than less time. People can go out there too early and get hurt. They don't want me to go out and re-injure it again."....NFL Network reports that Jaguars WR Reggie Williams is on the trading block heading into the regular season. Williams had a hard time climbing the team's depth chart this preseason and isn't expected to be a major factor in their offense this season.... NFL Network reported that Bucs WR Michael Clayton is on the trading block. Clayton fell out of the competition to start for the club in training camp this summer.

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